The Nature of Life

It is 2:22 AM on a Tuesday, and I realized I’ve begun to understand the nature of Life. Those of you who have read my previous blog (2005) may realize that I'm referring to the entity, which controls everything around us, as not The Fates, but Life. I now think that Life is that entity, whose material form we see around us, which defines and completes our existence, and not the abstract concept of The Fate. I don’t mean to say that I don’t believe in Fate anymore, but Life seems to hold so much more power, that I am now inclined to explore it deeper.

What I have come to believe at this point of my... life... is that Life has something in store for all of us, an end which will finally help us make sense of this hopelessly confusing existence we call our lives. I have decided to trust Life, and peek out of my shell, to open the box, and see what life has in store for me. Unlike John Locke [LOST, Season 1], I do not believe it is our destiny to open the box, but that we shall ultimately reach our destiny, if we can accept the 'gifts' Life bestows upon us. I say 'gifts' because sometimes, or maybe usually, we do not like what Life hands out, but when I look back at an unpleasant 'gift' sometime down the line, I realize that it wasn’t so bad after all, because handling that unpleasantness taught me something new, and made me a better person. Like Calvin's Dad says "(if you don’t love it) It will build character"[Calvin and Hobbes, Jan 1986].

The reason I’m rambling on like this in the middle of the night, is that I was wondering why I don’t feel scared, or sad about being so, so far away from my family and friends. I think it’s because that I have put my trust in Life, and am eager to see what’s out there, past the horizon of time that I cannot see beyond.

The Fates

Ever get the feeling the fates have a very dark sense of humor? Either that.. or we are too uncomprehending of the nature of the universe. I’m talking about the way life treats us.. (or is it just me? I don’t know..) running smooth and simple at times, just as we like it. Or full of problems and difficulties for us to conquer, the times we like to look back at later and say.. man those were tough times.

I’m not being ungrateful here.. I do realize how fortunate I am to be where I am today.. I know hundreds (thousands?) would give up their own lives to be in my place.. but I’m trying to decipher the way the fates work.

All my life I’v had comforts.. there had been no desire to excel.. to plan for the future.. but as I’v grown and matured I’v begun to have aspirations, dreams, desires. The fate has been somewhat kind, giving me the determination to see my aspirations fulfilled. But always.. and I mean always.. something has come up which completely dazes me.. disheartens me.

Now days I know what I want, and what I must do to get it. I even have the desire to do so… but still there are obstruction in the path. This is what I wonder. Why are these obstructions always there? And why does life enter endlessly long, completely dark tunnels ever so often? Why am I black more often than not? Like now for instance.. I have an exam in a few hours.. I know its important.. I know I have to study.. and I wanted to… but I wasn’t able to. Stuff came up which I could not ignore.. now its night.. I still have time.. but I don’t know where to begin… Its probably all foolishness on my part.. I should have planned and prepared better.. but my point is.. why should I need to plan at all? I want to do well in an exam.. for that I have to study. I want to study. Yet life doesn’t allow me to? Why?

I suppose your answer would be that the obstructions make the desires much stronger.. makes the final achievement that much sweeter.. the victory that much grander.. and I agree.. nothing pleases man more than a battle well fought.. and won. But yet I wonder.. is that how it has to be? Why face any difficulty at all? What would the world be like if we all had honest aspirations, unflinching faith, used just means to achieve those aspirations and faced no problems in doing so. Would we really be losing out on something? I don’t know.

Its easy to say.. c’est la vie .. this is life.. this is how it is.. and keep doing the same thing over and over again… but what if we don’t want to? Come to think of it.. what cause problems.. what is the very core of the phenomenon of problems? It may finally be people. In the end.. we are the architects of all our problems. Or are we… I don’t know… is it possible to eliminate all problems that we have by making sure we don’t create problems for anyone else?